Shopaholics Anonymous
by Tilting At Windmills
Summary: What happens when the family is fed up with Alice's shopping habits? Need I say that therapy will be required, and weekly meetings. On Hiatus until further notice. If anyone would like to takeover let me know.
1. You Need Help Alice

Carlisles POV

Carlisles POV

I can not believe that she did it again. Alice has a serious shopping addiction. I don't think she can even go a day without shopping. This house isn't big enough for all of her stuff. Alice has to take Bella, Edward, Emmet, Jasper, my dear Esme and even Rosalie shopping. She tried to take me shopping, but she treats everyone like a doll. Edward is always complaining about the endless makeovers she gives Bella, and poor Bella can't resist.

"Alice. Can I talk to you for a minute?" I said.

"Sure… What about?" said Alice.

As if you don't already know, I thought.

" OH MY GOD! You can't! I do not have a problem! Bella loves my makeovers! You cannot do it. What are you thinking? Shopping is my calling!" Alice said.

I guess she knows now.

Edwards POV

Hey, what's going on?? I think. Why is Alice screaming?

Uh oh… I guess Carlisle decided to finally put his foot down.

Emmets POV

Ha ha ha ha ha… Alice has to stop shopping. I think I'm going to go shopping, and have QVC or something deliver endlessly…

Jaspers POV

Oh my god. I feel anger, confusion, worry, happiness and despair. What is going on?

"Jazzy!" my wife wails. Its amazing someone that small can be that loud.

"What sweetheart?" she hates it when I call her sweetheart.

"I can't believe that I didn't see this coming. Carlisle is making me stop shopping, and go to addicts anonymous meetings. With humans. Every week. And I can't go shopping, or spend money, or give Bella makeovers. What am I going to do to pass the time??" she said, and began dry sobbing into my arms.

I sent her a wave of calm.

"Its okay Al. Don't worry. It'll be okay."


	2. No More Bella Barbie

A/N I forgot this the first time… I'm not Stephenie Meyer, although that would be really cool, and I don't own "Twilight" or any of the characters

**A/N I forgot this the first time… I'm not Stephenie Meyer, although that would be really cool, and I don't own "Twilight" or any of the characters. Wish I did, but I don't. I love reviews, but I'm not going to make you give me so many before I update, I think that's mean. When I have a new chap I'll update. It's that simple. So… On with the story. **

Bella's POV

The hours between Edward dropping me off after school and when he comes to pick me up at night pass so slowly. After homework and starting dinner for Charlie I really have nothing to do. It's almost sad. But it's worth it when Edward comes over. He is amazing. The love of my life, hopefully my existence.

I was sitting in the kitchen staring at the wall, thinking about my perfect Edward when suddenly these cold hands covered my eyes.

"Bella…" said my perfect god of a boyfriend.

I kissed him gently in reply.

"No hello?" He asked, giving me my favorite crooked smile.

"Hi." I said before I kissed him again.

"I have a surprise for you" he said.

"I told you not to buy me anything. Ever" I said. Why can't he understand that I don't want anything? He can never leave my truck alone, always trying to get me to cave in and accept a cute little sports car that goes one hundred miles an hour. And then Alice always taking me shopping, using that vampire speed to give the salesperson her credit card. I wish they would both just stop.

"But I didn't buy you anything" he said, looking sad and yet mischievous.

"Then what is it?" I said getting curious.

"Well… Alice isn't allowed to go shopping anymore, except for necessities. And she has to go to 'Shopaholics Anonymous' meetings and get extensive therapy." He said, as quickly as he could with me still understanding him.

Is he trying not to laugh??

"You are kidding, right?" I said.

"Nope. You know what this means right?" he said, giving me my favorite smile again.

"No more Bella Barbie?" I asked hopefully.

"No. Carlisle said that Alice has to stop shopping for everyone and giving you makeovers. He almost threatened to take her credit cards away," he said.

I cannot believe it, I thought that I would have to suffer through being Bella Barbie through the rest of my existence, or at least until Edward changed me, then I could get away from Alice. But as he insists I remain human that might have been a while.

"I love your dad," I said.

"What?" he shouted completely shocked.

Oops.

"Not like that Edward. Never like that." I said, trying to fix my mistake.

"Like what then?" he said.

"Carlisle has just saved me from endless hours of torture of shopping and makeovers."

"Oh. Sorry about overreacting. You just shocked me a little bit," he said.

"Edward, when will you get it into your head that I only love you and I will always love you."

"My angel, I know that you love me. But, I'm not sure that I deserve you. I can't let myself believe that I will always have you; it seems too good to be true. My greatest fear is that I will loose you. It doesn't matter to whom."

"Edward, you sound like me. I'm the one that doesn't deserve you. You are perfect, always saving me. I can never get on even ground."

"You saved me the moment I met you, you turned my black world into one of shining light."

"Edward."

"Yes my angel," he said.

"BELLA!" Charlie's voice came shouting through the house.

"I'll be back soon," Edward whispered before running out of the house. Up to my room probably.

"Yes dad, is it alright if I go over to the Cullen's tonight, I have dinner made, and my homework is done?" I said.

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Well, Esme is making dinner. Alice and Rosalie asked if I could come over for a while, a girls night kind of thing, the boys are going camping this weekend. Would it be alright if I stay the night?"

"Sure Bells. ALL of the boys are going camping for the weekend? Edward isn't staying behind by any chance," he said.

"No dad, Carlisle is taking them camping in the mountains, an all boys weekend. They are going fishing or something."

"Okay Bells, have a good time." He said.

Well, that was taken care of. Now I could go over to the Cullen's and see how Alice is doing. I doubt that she is taking it well.


	3. Family Meeting

A/N: Glad you guys liked the first chapters

**A/N: Glad you guys liked the first chapters. The intro is over, let the fun begin. Oh yeah, I'm not Stephenie Meyer, although I did used to live in Phoenix, I'm not Bella either… I don't own Twilight, which is sad. But there's not a lot that can be done. I can't afford to buy the rights, that Stephenie Meyer isn't even selling. I'm sure it would cost A LOT! **

Carlisle's POV

" Family meeting. Everyone in the living room now," I whispered. My family, except Bella, would hear me.

I have been trying to keep my thoughts and future plans secret, I don't want Edward or Alice knowing what is coming. I have to keep changing my mind and translating the Illiad and Odyssey into French. I think that I will work on Dante's Inferno tomorrow, maybe Russian. I don't think Edward or Alice can speak Russian.

I turned around, my family was sitting in the living room awaiting the meeting. Not looking nearly nervous enough. I guess Alice didn't tell about my revelation and requirements.

"Edward. No listening on my thoughts. You can find out when everyone else does" I told my oldest son. His mind reading, while incredibly useful at times, can also be very annoying and unhelpful.

"Fine," he agreed.

"I'm going to get right down to business. Everyone be quiet, you can say whatever you would like after I am done. Anyone who interrupts will have the rest of eternity to contemplate their fate."

"Alice is going to get help for her shopping addiction," I said..

"I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM!" Alice shouted.

"Alice. Be quiet. One more interruption and all of your credit cards be canceled," I threatened whispering softly.

All I got in reply was a death glare from Alice.

"That goes for the rest of you also."

"Now, since Alice is going to be receiving treatment, the rest of you will have to help her, which means, no taunting, no shopping binges," I said.

"Can I speak now?" Alice asked.

"Yes Alice. Go ahead."

"First of all, I would like to say that I do not have a problem. Life is boring, I just use shopping as a distraction. Edward, you have Bella, Emmet you have Rosalie, Rose you mess with cars all day, Jazzy, we have each other, and Carlisle you have the hospital and Esme. So, I do not have a problem, I'm just passing time." She said in an attempt to make me change my mind.

Clearly she was not going to go down without a fight. I was going to have to get nasty.

"Alice, yes you do have a problem; and let me finish; shopping to pass the time is going once a week. You have to shop every single day. You spent 100,000 in one day in Seattle. You have a problem, you need to admit it. We love you, but this has got to stop," I said.

"That one day in Seattle was an emergency situation. And like everything I bought was designer, so when you think about it like that its not as much. One pair of shoes cost 2 grand, and this bag, the Berkin bag costs 3 or 4 grand."

"Alice," I growled.

"And its not like I don't make a lot of money. We make one hundred times that from the stock market, its not like we are going to run out of money,"

"Can I speak to Alice alone please?" I asked the rest of my family.

No one answered, they just left the room.

"Alice, its not about the money," I said.

"Then what is it about?" She just can't let it go, always arguing. She tried to give me that puppy dog face, but it doesn't work on me.

"Alice you have a problem,"

"I can't believe that you are making me go to therapy and meetings,"

"How about this, we try it out for a while, see how it goes, and decide from there?" I said, I really hate my family in turmoil.

"Fine," she agreed. I guess she realized that I wasn't going to let this one go.

"Edward. Jasper. Rose and Emmet you guys can come in now, and stop listening by the door" I chuckled.

"How did you…" they all asked.

"I may not be a mind reader or psychic but I am a father of teenagers."

"Oh. Well, I'm going to pick up Bella. Is that alright if she comes over?" Edward asked.

Yes Edward, your fiancée can come over to the house. You know that she is family. You don't need to ask she is always welcome. You should know that. I thought.

"Right, I'll be back soon," he said.

"Jasper. Emmet. Rose," I said as soon as he was out of earshot.

"Yes." Jasper answered.

"I'm going to need your guys' help getting Alice to therapy and her meetings. And I think that Edward and Bella are going to need to go to marriage counseling. Jasper, Emmet I will need your help physically restraining Edward when I let him and Bella know. Rose, you don't have to help, but if you want to, Alice will need someone to take her to therapy and make sure she behaves."

"Muahaha," Emmet laughed. "Eddie's going to get it now. Actually I have a couple of ideas,"

"Emmet, leave Bella out of this thing with your brother."

"How did you know? Do you have powers?" he asked surprised.

"No Emmet, I just know you all very well. Please leave Bella alone for a little while. Give the girl some time to recover,"

"Well fine then," Emmet pouted.

"Ah, come on baby. I'll cheer you up," Rose purred.

"Let's go Rose," Emmet said, suddenly happier.

"Jasper,"

"Yeah Carlisle," he asked.

"I have something special that I need your help with"

**A/N: Sorry about the cliffie. I'm still working on where this story is going. This chap took place before Edward went to get Bella. So the next one will be back at the house and then therapy… If I get some reviews I'll write faster, but I don't have a required number. I'll post ASAP. My exams are over so I should be able to write more. **


	4. Edward Gets Pulled Over And Ticketed

A/N: Sorry about that confusing order

**A/N: Sorry about that confusing order. Chapter 1, Chapter 3 and then Chapter 2… Sorry!! With my exams over I had nothing to do, so I decided to give you guys 2, count them 2 chapters in one day. Please review. I know I can't make you, but please. Pretty please? My name isn't Stephenie Meyer, its Kyl, and I don't look like her, my hair is on the blond end of the spectrum actually which means sadly, that I do not own twilight. Boo-hoo. tear**

**In the stupid shiny Volvo. **

Bella's POV

"Bella," my love called.

"Uh-hm," I said, trying not to look at the speedometer. I can't stand the way he drives. He thinks its funny that of all the things that could bug me about him I pick his driving. He is going easily over 60."

"I'm so sorry Bella," he said.

I was about to say something like about what and then I heard them. Police sirens. Oh my god. And the flashing lights.

"Is it Charlie?"

"No. He's still at your house, although, I think he might've called him in," he stated quietly.

"Edward. I thought that you didn't get tickets. Well, now you will have to drive slower."

"Bella, I hate driving slow,"

"The speed limit is not slow Edward. Do you want Charlie or one of his deputies following you around Forks all the time?"

He really couldn't think up an answer, or maybe he just decided not to say what he was thinking.

"Hello Sir, do you know why you were pulled over?" Officer Taguma said.

"Well, no officer I don't", Edward replied.

"Young man, you were doing ninety-five in a thirty-five mile per hour zone. That is SIXTY miles per hour above the speed limit!" Taguma said with a glare.

"I'm sorry about that officer, it won't happen again."

"License and registration please," the officer asked.

"Of course, here you go officer," Edward handed over his papers, trying to look repentant.

"Mr. Edward Cullen, I presume?"

"Yes Sir."

"Bella."

Shoot he saw me, or maybe Charlie had told him Edward was my boyfriend along with his cars description, Charlie is so sneaky.

"Hey Officer Taguma. How's it going? How is your wife?" I asked.

Edward shot me the funniest look.

"Roxanne is fine. I'm good. Is this your boyfriend?"

"Yeah he is. Did the Chief, set this up?" I said.

"Well, actually…" he couldn't finish. I knew it.

"Its okay. Don't feel bad. I know the Chief put you up to it. Let me guess, he told you to not let Edward off with a warning, fine him as much as possible, and make sure that you didn't tell me who sent you?"

"Please don't tell your dad I told you," he begged

"What's the fine going to be?" I asked, not really caring

"Well, this is a school zone, sixty miles over, the grand total is going to be 2,517.66."

"Cash or credit?" Edward asked, he was smiling way, way, way too much.

"Either, you can take your copy down to the station and pay the fee any time in the next 30 days, you will need to notify the department if you will need an extention one week before the due date. If you don't a warrant will be put out for your arrest. Understand? Sign here please,"

"Sure, not a problem, " Edward replied, much to cheerfully.

"Have a nice night now," Taguma said.

"You too," we said together.

As soon as Edward rolled up the window I couldn't stop laughing.

" Breathe Bella,"


	5. Oh Dear

A/N: The first couple of chapters were intro… My first name isn't Stephenie, although its an awesome name, I like mine better

**A/N: The first couple of chapters were intro… My first name isn't Stephenie, although its an awesome name, I like mine better. In case you missed it I don't own Twilight, well, I own a copy of the books but not the rights to it… Copyright law can be so confusing… **

**Edwards Point of View:**

"Alice come on, every decade one of us has to go to therapy. You know how Carlisle is, he thinks that we aren't well adjusted and that living forever as teenagers has somehow messed us up. Emmett had to go for his sex addiction, Jasper for his confederatism, Rosalie for her image issues, I had to go for my self loathing and god complex, its your turn" I said grumbling.

"But Edward, I don't have a problem,"

"Al, we have been through this. Lets make a deal, you go to therapy and counseling easily and I will buy you whatever you want?" I said, slightly afraid of what it would be.

"Fine," she smiled evily, " 1964 Aston Martin DB5."

"Alice," I groaned. Those cars are impossible to find and purchase, if you can find someone who is willing to part with one, and its not like you can steal one, they are flashy and noticeable cars. There are not that many around, to add to the price tag, its James Bond's car. I think that it was in the remake of Casino Royale.

"Do we have a deal?" she asked innocently. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Thankfully she didn't ask me for a trip to the moon or something, I'm not sure if _we _even would have enough money for that. This was going to be an expensive experience, those babies run around 2 million. At least I'll make it back on the stock market.

"Yes Alice," I agreed.

Some time later that day

3rd Person

"Ms. Cullen, the doctor will see you now," the pretty receptionist at the psychiatrists office said.

"Thank you," Alice replied.

(In the office with the doctor)

"Hello Ms. Cullen, I am Doctor Michael Bloch, how are you today?" said the doctor, a rather tall, good looking, for a human anyway, man.

"Very well thank you, and yourself?" she said, sweet as could be.

"Fine thank you,"

"I believe you said that you came in here today because of a shopping addiction," the doctor continued.

"I don't actually think that I have a problem, my family is making me come here,"

"Ms. Cullen" he sighed, "unless you want to change your habit and fix this problem that seems to be hurting your family, no amount of time here will make a difference. If you do not want to make a change I suggest that you leave and save the money for my services, I cannot help you if you will not help yourself,"

"Oh," she said, looking at her Jimmy Chos.

"However, if you want to modify this compulsion for shopping I can rehabilitate you, and while I would not call you cured, as such things can never be cured, it will no longer be a impediment to daily life"

"Shall we get started then," she said weakly.

"Of course," the doctor smiled, this plan always seemed to work.

"What type of treatment do you have in mind" she asked.

"After my discussion with you, and your parents and our consultation last week," he paused, "Twice weekly group therapy, support from your family and friends, restricted access to means of shopping and canceling your subscriptions to fashion magazines"

"WHAT!" she screamed, coming from her it seemed less like a scream and more like a screech.

"Ms. Cullen, your addiction is severe, it therefore requires severe action,"

"Is this a joke? Where are Edward and Emmett? Did they put you up to this? Am I being Punk'd?" she continued to screech.

"Ms. Cullen, I am very serious," he said calmly.

Jaspers POV

"Al, what's wrong? You look like death is after you? And that you might throw yourself infront of a bus, if it would be effective?" I said, I was concerned about my love, the whole family has ganged up on her, even Bells, I don't understand why her shopping is a problem if its not the money?

She just started dry sobbing into my chest, I could feel her utter despair.

"Al. What happened in your vision," I said more firmly.

"I am going to be out of fashion… and I won't be able to go shopping…and the doctor is making me go to group therapy!!" she wailed.

Oh dear.


End file.
